I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
