my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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