why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
