Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no, he came in my armpit
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And then he peed in my hair
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