Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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