Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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