Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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