she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
