she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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