There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
