Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize