Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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