can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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