I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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