There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
