five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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