You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
