Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
