I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
