then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize