he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
