Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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