i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize