I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
