This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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