Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
