I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
