My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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