They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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