There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
