why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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