please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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