regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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