I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
