I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
