The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
