the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
