awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
