So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize