should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
