my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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