I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
