Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
