He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize