We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
