White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
