well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
