paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
