In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
