just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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