Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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