im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
