The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
