just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
