I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
