i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
