oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm just crazy horny about you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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