My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
