My sheets look like a crime scene.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
