Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize