I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
