the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
