Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
