"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
